Ennui
Long long ago I sent a cassette of some new favorite songs to my girlfriend back in Mississippi. One of them was BB King’s “The Thrill Is Gone” – what can say? – and my girlfriend was a bit confused as to why I included that song in particular. Was this a message to her? Well, I did it just because that song knocked me out, and I guess my young boyfriend brain wasn’t working so good …
But I digress, and right off the bat. Apologies. Over the last many months I admit to having a bit of trouble getting excited about things…
Lost all connection with
The things that I love
Now they seem dead to me
Just stuff that I’m tired of
I am surprised to learn that the word “ennui” comes from the Latin in odio, sort of meaning “in hate”. I don’t hate anything. In fact, I’ve even recognized that, deep down, I probably actually still do love that things I used to love. But there’s some gulf that has come between us.
Wanna believe that tho they leave
That back to me they’ll come
No, I’m not despairing. Some part of me thinks I will reconnect with all the “stuff that I’m tired of”. I have hope, and so the song switches from a kind of angry frustration to something more lyrical and hopeful. Even though things aren’t great, at my core I think everything’s going to be okay…
Even though we’re apart
I can hear your beating heart
And with faith as my guide
I’ll be by your side
My daughter pointed out to me that Taylor Swift’s song “Ready For It” similarly switches from heavy and angry to lyrical…
In the middle of the night, in my dreams
I know I'm gonna be with you
So I'll take my time
This new song of mine maybe sounds like two separate songs, but it was actually written as one. I thought about trying to nudge the angry and hopeful parts toward being more similar to each other musically, but I decided to let each one fully realize itself, if that makes any sense. I wonder what thought process Taylor went through….
Is the thrill gone for you? No longer excited about a new Storytown release? I hear you.
Keep listening if you can stand it. And hang in there. You know I am. Thanks.
